Tuesday, September 27, 2016

220 Pages of Non Threatningly Whispering For White Folks

Their [White Liberals] knowledge revealed in fact that they can deal with the Negro as a symbol or victim but had no sense of him as a man. –James Baldwin , The Fire Next Time

Adaptation

The White Christian’s knowledge of racism and how they see themselves connected to it reveals in fact they can deal with the legacy of Jesus as a symbol or a mythological victim of the persecution of his day but have no sense of how to integrate the essence of his character into the stark realities of his humanity. Which is to say that White Christians can understand that Jesus was persecuted and crucified, but just can’t seem to accept that they [White Christians] are most closely related ethno/biologically to the Romans that crucified him. They are so unacquainted with the racial ethnic realities of Jesus that they even depict him as a Blond long straight haired, blue eyed, pale skinned White man on their adorned crosses in their lily white churches or in their lily White movies.

So I am struggling to get through the Disunity in Christ book. I recognize that it is written by a woman of color, potentially another Black woman. It is clear as I stumble through her pages that we are at a very different stage of nigressence. I would guess that Dr. Cleveland, who consistently glosses over the historical context of how disunity found its way into the Christian Church,  has prioritized the value of multiculturalism and the importance of its translation to a White dominant society over the painful lived experiences of herself and other people of color.

 I found my blood boiling right after reading her juxtaposition of ethnic/racial separation in Chicago to cultural segments of Christianity. She writes about it as if all the Black folk in Chicago wanted to live in Cabrini Green or Bronzeville and all the Polish folk wanted to be sectioned off too. She writes as if slaves werent forced to the colored sections of White churches simply for show or to insure their continued captivity during worship hours of their masters.

I get it, Dr. Cleveland is trying to reach White folk and in order to reach them, you have to pretend like their racism was unintentional or nonstrategic. I see this in a lot of White focused diversity work. No one is allowed to make White folk feel uncomfortable. I have affectionately renamed Cleveland’s book 220 Pages of Non Threatningly Whispering For White Folks

Dr, Cleveland makes me realize that I do not believe in the validity of a warm and fuzzy unified cultural world. Not even within the confines of Christianity. Its not that I don’t believe that the idea is good one. I just do not trust, after all this time, that White folk have the capacity to strip themselves of the racial privilege that finds itself at the cux of the issue of racism. I can’t get down with multiculturalism in Christianity because I don’t think it truly exists. I believe that there are large White churches that some people of color attend or Minority Majority churches that some White Folks attend. I don’t believe that we can truly have multicultural churches because White folks aint ready to deal with (acknowledge and apologize for) how they brought Black folks, Native Americans, Latinx, Asian, and so on and so forth to know Christ. White folks aint ready to be uncomfortable and Black folk aint got the energy or timed required to deal with the aftermath associated with making White folks uncomfortable.

James Baldwin so eloquently wrote:
It is a fact that every American Negro bares a name that originally belonged to the White man whose chattel he was. I am called Baldwin because I was either sold by my African tribe, or kidnapped out of it into the hands of a White Christian named Baldwin who forced me to kneel at the foot of the cross. I am then both visibly and legally the descendant of slaves in a White protestant country. And this is what it means to be an American negro, and this is who he is, a kidnapped pagan who was sold like an animal and treated like one. Who was once defined by the American constitution as 3/5s a man. And who according to the Dred Scott decision, had no rights that a White man was bound to respect. And today a hundred years after his technical emancipation, he remains, with the possible exception of the American Indian, the most despised creature of his country. (The Fire Next Time)


Monday, September 26, 2016

For White Folk, Blaming Patriotism When the Term Racist Works Just Fine...



To the folks whose friends have been dancing around this issue for the last few weeks. Let me make it plain...

You have an issue with Colin Kaepernick because you have an infection (regardless of rather its big or small) of racism. It's not patriotism, it ain't got nothing to do with the troops. It ain't cause you wish he'd be like MLK (which is also racist because essentially you are saying he isn't being a good negro while providing an image of a good negro... if it wasn't you would suggest other folks like Ghandi or Harvey Milk or Erin Brakovich... but nope you picked the stereotypical Black figure, you just forgot that White folk hated and subsequently killed him too).
You have an issue/hatred for Kaepernick because you need to deal with your racism. It doesn't matter if your 1 or two black friends tells you different. Even people of color can have internalized racism (they can utilize its tools and reinforce the negative beliefs that they have been taught to have about themselves- Jerry Rice/Richard Sherman/Your good Black friend Jamal who agreed with you that one time about "ghettos" and the use of the N-word).
Ain't nobody told you bout yourself though because you, random White friend, and your White Privilege means you can use this weakness of yours for adverse actions toward people of color (specifically the ones you supervise or work alongside). Institutional racism has for a long time affected people's performance reviews, abilities to get jobs, bank loans, promotions, scholarships and etc).
AND TO BE CLEAR... someone telling you about your own proclivity for racisms is not hatred or racisms towards White folks. It's stating the obvious. Like telling you that your fly is down or that your bra strap is showing. Just because you are embarrassed doesn't mean that you aren't in the wrong.
So you got options-
1) Own it and move on. You literally have the privilege of not giving a damn. Unless you do something as stupid as using the NWord in public or calling people monkeys, or saying the unarmed Black folks shoulda been killed on the Internet you probably won't feel your racism anyway. That's another by product of White Privilege. Aren't you lucky.
2) Own it and change it. This is a daily process and it will be painful. You have to call yourself out on your racism and work to counterbalance it. That's right... I said WORK to counterbalance it. You can't pray it away. (Read that whole part of the Bible that references faith without actions) The work also means educating yourself and your friends. Don't wait for us to do it... we're a little emotional preoccupied right now with the consistent murdering of our people and violation of our bodies.
Here is a brief syllabus:
Between the World and Me
White Privilege: The Essential Readings
Disunity in Christ
The New Jim Crow
White Like Me
Anything by Dr. DW Sue
Anything by James Baldwin


3) Attack the messenger for making you uncomfortable because you got embarrassed by how accurate they were when they called you on your crap. -A caught cat will holler.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Capable and Responsible

Disjointed thoughts from the 2nd Part of White Privilege: Essential Readings

I recognized the anger of my first post about this book. I felt guilty, like I was being mean to White folk for their not knowing. I sat in that.

Alex posed a powerful prompt in "asking" me to process through where I identified my own privilege. I completed that review of self on my birthday. Making the list was fairly easy. It was cathartic. I've got growing to do. I was reminded that you can't make changes to the rough edges of who you are if you don't know who you are... I need to amend that statement...

You can't make changers to the rough edges of who you are If you...
1) Don't know who you are
2) Don't recognize your edges as being rough
3) Don't care that your rough edges a seriously impact the quality or ability of life for others.
4) Don't sincerely internalize that you are capable and responsible to the world around you and the people in it.

I think this is where my anger returns. Specifically with White Privilege...

How often do we, people of color/colleagues of color/so on and so forth, have to shine the light on the rough edges of Whiteness?

Is shining a light on those edges powerful enough, especially if White folk don't (want to) understand that the edges are rough?

What happens when you expend the effort to educate and your pupil flat out displays resistance?

How do you motivate yourself to educate when you know the resistance is coming? -Alex?

Self-care is a constant struggle... I'm working on it...I am fighting through this material and the racial climate right now. I want to give up on diversity work and White folk often... daily... But... I remember #4 ...

4) I sincerely internalize that I am capable and responsible to the world around me and the people in it.

No pretty conclusion on this one...



Sunday, September 4, 2016

Birthday Privilege!!!

Today is my birthday! I have been blessed to (as the old folk say) "be in the land of the livin' for one mo' year".

As I continue this journey of life, I think it's appropriate for me to count my blessings (term used loosely)... Or better yet, within the contentious climate of today, I shall count my privileges. (Blessings and privilege is different.)

Right, so... I talk about privilege often, specifically how White privilege and Gender privilege impact me negatively. The list to follow in no way negates the impact of those privileges on my life. This list specifically addresses the fact that while I am SERIOUSLY affected by White privilege or Gender privilege, there are individuals who have to deal with both of those and then some and then some and then some... Anyway... Here we go

(List not ranked... Stream of consciousness)

1. I am cisgender. As a cis-woman of color, although the statistics surrounding rates of assault, abuse, murder, sexual violence for my gender identity is quite high, the data on the lack of safety that transgender folks endure is catastrophic. (Goggle this and learn something new) I also have the privilege of being who I am...as I know myself to be without adverse consequence. I don't have to justify myself or my gender. I don't have to fear using the restroom. I don't have to be forced into counseling in order to transition towards my truth. I don't have to fear incarceration in a facility mismatched with my gender identity.

2. Regardless of preference or orientation, I am involved in a heterosexual relationship and therefore benefit from heteronormative privilege. The broader world around me openly recognizes the way I love, display affection, my projected sexual preference and so on and so forth. My husband and I can kiss in public and know that if we are accosted, it won't be because of that act. I don't fear persecution or prosecution based on my preference or sexual orientation. I haven't had to fear being disowned or kicked out of my family or family member's homes because of who I love or was attracted to. (Please take a moment to familiarize yourself on the data surrounding LGBTQIA+ youth and homelessness)

3. I've got all the damn degrees. (3.5) I've got all these damn degrees and have only ever attended private schools. Regardless of the cost or impact on my family, I have always been enrolled in "higher end" educational experiences. I've never struggled for educational resources. I haven't had teachers forced to teach me based on testing standards. I've always had 1on1 focused classroom attention. I can code switch with the best of them- with this however also comes the microaggressions of being 1 and only or 1 of few, but I still had security that others who looked like me largely didn't.

4. Socioeconomic stability- my parents and grandparents (aunts and uncles) worked real hard so that I could grow up and not have to see fiscal struggle. Not that I thought I was rich as the folks I went to school with, but that I new I had a great deal more financial options than the folks I went to church with. I didn't truly understand the value of a dollar until I was fresh out of college trying to live with my "ass on my shoulders". (Shoutout to everyone who loaned/gave me money or support in my 20s) Being able to buy food is a privilege. Knowing that you have a reliable mode of transportation, housing, technology, etc... Being able to save money...That's all privilege. Some of that you can work for, but for some, the hole they dug is to deep, and for many the hole was dug for them and it keeps getting deeper.

5. I work in higher education and I'm salaried . Yeah I know everybody ain't supposed to have my job or do what I do BUT working in higher education has its perks. I am privileged to work for an institution that does not police what I think or how I live. No one is telling me I can't discuss race at work. My opinions matter. I can go to conferences. I can go to school for more degrees at a discount. I got a bomb ass health insurance plan. They making it rain on my retirement. I get all these vacation days. (Please know that I bust my ass at my job. It isn't easy work but the perks are quite nice)

6. Technology- Between my husband and me (from work to home) there are 15 screens. Many people think of technology as luxury. I have one question...How many employers still take paper applications? The answer is few. Most folks want you to apply online. That requires knowledge of and access to technology. If you are applying for higher profile positions you need vitas/cv/resume/cover letters (technology required). If you want to pay your bills without paying extra fees (technology required) school (technology) news and weather (technology) Starbucks (my bad, went to far)

7. Ability- I currently have the use of all my limbs. I have not been diagnosed with anything terminal. I don't have an degenerative diseases or conditions. I can typically walk (privilege) into any building and know that I will be able to get around it. I don't have to plan my day around medication or the availability of assistance. I don't have to fight with an insurance company or my employer to protect my standard of care.

8. I have religions privilege. I identify as Christian, despite the lies folks out here telling about Christians in the US being oppressed, I'm out here benefitting from all this Christian privilege. My religious holidays are recognized by the world around me. My govt is filled with people who profess to share my faith. Their are laws, currency, restaurants, and major stores that adjust their operations to include worship services and my dietary restrictions (lent menus, blue laws about alcohol, Social Injustice Chicken closed on Sunday)

This is a broad overview of my privileges. I know that there are plenty more categories and sub categories that I can flush out eventually.

I am wholeheartedly thankful for my life. I am grateful for the experiences and challenges. I am glad that I worked through this list today because it not only shows me my privilege, but it reminds me that there is work to do AND I, in all of these areas of privilege, have the perfect platform to do that work.

I've had an amazing 34 years on this earth... I hope the (Lord willing) long remainder of my time can be used to make the world AMAZING for everyone else too.

Peace and Blessings MOJO

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Power in My Name

They buried my namesake today. 

When I was younger, in elementary school... I was brown and round and trying my damndest to fit in with Ashleys and Audreys and Sarah Janes at my predominantly White, very Christian private day school in Jackson, MS. For the most part I had a "normal" name- Monica. It fit the mold of the Eurocentric roll call. I knew that as long as my teacher stuck to the script all would be good. 

"Ashley- here. Audrey - here. Sarah Jane- present. Monica- here... "Oh Monica, (she would begin with the best of intentions) how do you pronounce your middle name? I mean is is Middle? It's kind of spelled like middle." 
I would respond, "It's Mi'Del pronounced like My-Dell, I'm kinda named after my great aunt Mary Dell. Yup it's different and I like it" (followed by a well practiced death stare to my classmates daring somebody to make fun of my name)

This sequence of events persisted through all levels of grade school and 4 years of undergrad. Although I was hopeful of broad acceptance and well aware of the microaggressions that followed ethnic names, I somehow was able find the pride and power in my middle name uniqueness. Those closest to me always knew my whole name and most of my friends in undergrad referred to me exclusively as Mi'Del. Until now, I've never acknowledged how surprising that was- that I could grow up the lone Mi'Del in a sea of upper middle White parochial school normality and defiantly come to love the strength, culture, and Blackness of me. (I'll unpack this at a later date). 

Memories

Please don't misunderstand, I was proud to be her great niece and after losing my maternal grandmother, her sister, when I was 12, I'd dare say that I clung to the idea of her even tighter. When I was little, i'd sit between them (BB and Mary Dell) in church. They'd trade Sunday's on who got to pinch/pop me for squirming and whose purse I got to dig through for gum or candy. On those Sunday's they were both mine and I was theirs. Sometimes I would go home with Mary Dell and play in her garden and eat Sandies cookies. She was strong, self sufficient, independent, she didn't mince words, and as strict as she could be, she also knew how to laugh. I always knew I was named for her. I always knew that she was special and therefore I was special. 

After I graduated from Vanderbilt, I began working for the Vanderbilt Alumni Relations department. We had an event in Jackson but I wasn't allowed to go. My mom is also a Vandy alum and she registered for the event and brought Mary Dell as her date. When my boss at the time returned to the office on the next Monday, she made a B-line for my desk. 

"Monica, your great aunt Mary."

      "Mary Dell"

"Right, your great aunt Mary Dell was the belle of the ball!"

       "Huh"

"All of the Jackson alums knew her and raved about her work. She was the best tailor in the south, they said. People really love her. Thank your mom again for bringing her as a guest!"

I must admit, that at this point I was a bit confused. Visions of my mom and my Mary Dell being swarmed by a gaggle of adoring old white men in suits was rather jarring. I called Mary Dell (which I didn't do nowhere near enough) to get the whole story. 

She laughed and said,"Yeah all of those folks used to come over to The Rogue (men's suit shop) to get their suits fixed. I haven't seen most of them in years. We had a good time talking. "
SHE wont be doing YOUR curtains

She went on to tell me about a time that a White man she had tailored for sent his wife in to get some curtains hemmed. Unfortunately, he had not told his wife that though my great aunt was Black (I don't remember the decade but let's be honest, this could be right now), she was not to be disrespected at The Rouge. The man's wife walked in the store (as Mary Dell described it, with her tail on her shoulders) and pointedly ignored Mary Dell's greeting. She walked right around her and directly to the White man at the counter. 

The lady said, "I want my curtains hemmed and pressed. Make sure that 'negra' (referring to Mary Dell) doesn't burn them. This is expensive fabric." 

Mary Dell said she exchanged looks with the White man at the counter and walked to the back of the store. 

She then heard the man say, "I'm sorry ma'am, we won't be able to fit these in."

The affronted lady replied, "What, you don't do curtains anymore?"

He replied, "No ma'am, we still do curtains, but SHE won't be doing YOUR curtains. Have a nice day."

The lady snatched up her "funky little curtains" and stormed out of the store in pure disbelief. Several hours later, right before the store was scheduled to close, the lady's husband walked into the store. He walked around the White man directly to Mary Dell. 

He said, "Ms. Mary Dell, I just want to apologize for how my wife treated you this morning." While he knew better than to bring back his wife's funky curtains, he did bring Mary Dell a big tip. 

Lessons in Magic

She might have been a Black woman living in Mississippi, but contrary to societal belief and hierarchy, she mattered. Her work spoke for itself. She demanded respect and she got it from the most unlikely of sources.  

As I sit back and think about her, and our far too few conversations, this theme is reoccurring. Even in thinking back to elementary school, and all of the countless times of teaching folks to pronounce my middle name, I realize that I learned to be unapologetically me because of her example. I learned that I could be strong and independent because she was strong and independent. I learned to demand the respect that I was owed, in light of the quality work I produced from her. I learned that I didn't have to perform for the world to like me. Some folks would never like me but that shouldn't affect how much I loved myself. 

She was one of my earliest examples of being magical and strong and black. I am convinced that that magic never dies but like energy is transferred. They buried my namesake today, but just like her magic, the power of her name lives on. 

Saturday, August 27, 2016

The Other Side of Racism

After reading White Privilege Essential Readings on the Other Side of Racism Part 1, the following thoughts ran through my mind:
  • ·      Duh, of course this is what the world is truly like for people of color.
  • ·      I’ve known or felt this shit all of my life.
  • ·      There is a whole book dedicated to calling out White peoples’ shit /stuff I – We’ve always known and this book will be largely read by people of color.
  • ·      The White folks in my class, who are essentially being forced to interact with this new knowledge (mirror) of themselves are probably somewhere have full on emotional breakdowns.

·      That shit, that privilege, that opportunity to move throughout the world impacting (negatively) people that you have been systematically conditioned to be ambivalent to pisses me off… because I can never get there myself.

I wish life gave me that courtesy… the opportunity to just be, sans the interference of what it means to be me… Black and a Woman born and raised in the depths of the South.

I wish that I could just now… at the age of 34 be accessing this knowledge… fresh and vulnerable and that it would be first presented all intellectually within the confines of a doctoral program.

I wish that I could have the privilege of making a decision to take this knowledge and live my life differently or say to hell with it and carry on in my blissful ambivalence, unconsciously fucking shit up for the rest of the world.

This, for me, is the other side of racism. Not that I want to be racist, that is, have the power to systematically control the livelihood of those different from me… BUT that I want the power to have the pieces of me add up to something that is considered normal… whole… equal…

I want the world to see me and know me and not treat me like I was one of God's workshop rejects or mishaps. 

I'm sure I have more to think and say on this front but this process of reading and digesting more of what life really is for me as a multiple-minority is exhausting and painful. 

Im moving on so that I can carry on... Because I don't have the privilege to do anything else.





Friday, August 12, 2016


Today a Black Woman Fought the World and Won... 

I aint telling no story... I'm Storytellin'

Everyone jokes about the fact that most Black folks (70%) don't know how to swim. Mostly they attribute it to some shallow trope about Black women and their hair. This story, as most stories concerning the plight of Black folks, is more problematic than that.

Truth be told... 50 years ago...  Simone Manuel wouldn't have been allowed to put her toe (Google Dorothy Dandridge  and the drained pool) in a public swimming pool, let alone swim a lap alongside White swimmers from this country (or anyone else's).

Prior to the 70s there were laws and ordinances that kept Black bodies out of  swimming pools... White swimming pools... 

Because Black folk are dangerous...


Because we were said to be nasty...

Because White folks were taught that we carried grave diseases...

Because sharing a swimming pool or a bathroom or a water fountain or a seat on the bus or a school house or a lunch counter with Black people was beyond taboo...

After those laws and ordinances from the early 20th century were struck down cities largely defunded public pools and White folks moved to country clubs and segregated their pool via membership fees, social status and the such...Guess White-flight wasn't just applied to the desegregation of the public school system. (I digress)

In his book, Between the World  and Me, Ta-nehisi Coates explores the importance of the Black body and our (Black people's) consistent battle to maintain/reclaim autonomy, protect ourselves,  and our children from the world's ever present attempts to defile our bodies. Our (Black) bodies are exceptionally beautiful, bountiful, and policed in every aspect. This constant policing of our body has impaired our (Black people's) abilities to be...

So, in an effort to protect our bodies generation after generation after generation of Black families stayed out of White folks pools (schools/busses/lunch counters/neighborhoods/banks/racism is bigger than swimming pools).

We stayed away for our own good, but this isolation from swimming has still managed to do its damage to our bodies. The 21st Century was no less problematic. In 2010, 6 Black teenagers drowned because none of them had been taught to swim.  This tragic event sparked nationwide concern and sophomoric suggestions that if Black parents loved their children, they would teach them to swim.

So we did just that. We sent our babies to the pool...Told them that they would be welcomed...But 5 years later, in McKinney, TX a well publicized incident where a White police officer pulled his gun on a group of Black kids attending a pool party and proceeded to physically assault a teenage girl and sit on her, reminded us that White Pools weren't made for Black Bodies.


BUT Today...in spite of it all...

Despite as Coates so eloquently wrote, "The entire narrative of this country [that] argues against the truth of who [WE] are."... 

This woman...Strong...Beautiful...And BLACK...not only got in the pool, but she learned to swim, and she went on to be the best in the world...

Resilience?...No...If that ain't magic... I don't know what else it could be...

#BlackGirlMagic #StoryTelling #BetweenTheWorldAndMe