Monday, November 21, 2016

Still Exhausted...Memories of Mourning and Teaching

Monica Johnson feeling exhausted.
July 6
A note of advice for my well meaning White friends and associates. Today is not a day to debate race and police brutality with your friends of color, specifically those that are Black. We may not know Alton Sterling personally, but we know these circumstances and this feeling extremely well. This sense of fear and violation has been implanted in our psyche for centuries. As far back as the slave trade, slave hunters, lynchings, unleashed dogs, burnings, rapes, assaults... We as a people have been afraid to BE.
I live in constant fear... You probably haven't noticed because I work very hard to hide it. I fear for my life, my husbands life, my family in other states, my students... I am most anxiously afraid about the prospect of having black babies. I am scared to be put in the position to lose or explain this type of loss to my babies.
So today, I don't have it in me to teach you, model for you, perform for you. I'm not up for the thrill of a spirited debate. These ain't just words and fun conversations for me. This is a real life that I'm struggling every single day just to live. I do not currently possess the emotional fortitude, nor should you expect me to.
If you want to change the problem, figure out what you can do to fix a culture that allows for the continued murder of black and brown bodies without consequence. Figure out why certain agencies are overrun with individuals with problematic past and ideologies of race. Figure out how you can work to dismantle racism and its perpetuation in dominantly White communities.
Today... While we figure out once again how to love ourselves past fear, pain, and hopelessness... Work on you and yours.
Nancy Cobb · Friends with Anna Marsh Selby
I totally agree with you. I am white and I am afraid for myself, husband and children. 

They should go to jail for murder. Period. 

But during the last year I just have a question for Black lives Matter? Why not put all the energy into the communities that have an overwhelming crime rate on Black on Black murders?? 

It's just a question don't cuss me out or call me names. Just asking. I know a lot of people have the same question? It always seems to be for racism.
LikeReply7July 6 at 2:59pm
Hide 25 Replies

Monica Johnson Joe Nancy Cobb... I am not going to cuss you out or call you names.... I am confused as to why you would assume that name calling and cursing would be the automatic response in this instance. 

This question however is case and point of the overall purpose of my original point...I am not interested in debating with you. I would prefer not to have to break down years of knowledge and research on topics like implicit bias, the systematic disenfranchisement of people of color, the building of poverty, the confinement of people of color to targeted and purposefully underresourced areas, and so on and so forth. 

I would suggest you do your own comprehensive research. 

I would suggest you research the overall efforts of the Black Lives Matter movement and their organizers. Deray Mckissick (one of the leaders) is actually extremely instrumental in community change in Baltimore. 

I would suggest you research what people of color do in their own communities. 

I am confident that their is a plethora of knowledge to be found. I however shall not take on the responsibility of providing it for you. 

Have a wonderful day.
LikeReply38July 6 at 3:11pm

LikeReply1July 6 at 9:53pmEdited
Kyla LaNette Mckillip · Friends with Chantel White
This is what pisses me off. I understand not wanting to debate right after a tragic situation, but this woman asked a GENUINE question that I believe she has a fair point in asking. Just because we are tired, frustrated, and scared does not mean that we should be so blunt and hateful to white people who really want to gain understanding. The only way to solve ignorance is through education. Period. What kills me about our people is that we HATE to be generalized, but you wouldn't believe how many black people I see generalizing white people. It's complete hypocrisy. I grew up with a white mother and although she doesn't understand every aspect of my fears for my black son...she wants to learn and help stop the hate. That's what we NEED. People of all colors to understand our pain so we can unite and create change
LikeReply9July 6 at 9:50pmEdited

Nancy Cobb · Friends with Anna Marsh Selby
Kyla LaNette Mckillip 
Thank you. That was the reason for the question. I want to gain understanding and possibly try to help. If you knew me personally, you would know I'm not racist at all. I have more black friends than white. I hate the police and I've seen my share of police brutality and it pisses me off. They abuse their power and it needs to stop. I worry everyday for my own family from the over reacting police. If the wall of racism could be torn down I believe we could help each other.
LikeReply2July 6 at 10:17pm
Kristen Bailey Wolf Well Joe I hope you read my comments and have gained the understanding you sought and that you never have to ask this racist question again. Though I'm gonna be honest and say I am certain you will.
LikeReply5July 6 at 10:35pm
Adrian Hill ^^^ Right. She thanked the dummy who defended her right to ask ignorance but never demonstrated understanding of why the question is foolish...

I mean, do you at least get why that question is bullshit?????? Your Black friends might appreciate if you got that.
LikeReply3July 6 at 10:37pm
Monica Johnson Joe Nancy Cobb, I understand that you may have approached this situation with the best of intentions. I would like to offer a legitimate explanation for the reception that you are receiving. Please accept this in the manner that it is given...

1) After I sincerely asked in my post for my well intentioned white friends and associates to not attempt to enter into a debate on this day and around this subject, you followed up with just that. Your question, posted at this very moment, was offered up to begin a debate. I and probably all of the Black folks you know are tired and triggered. Now wasn't the time and this post wasn't the place. 

2) Your question is considered a deflection, meaning it shifts the conversation away from a legitimate epidemic of police violence against Black folks to a conversation that has been long since debunked. Black on Black crime is a creation by majority powers, in the way that there is very little difference in the rate of Black people killing black people and whit people killing white people or Asian people killing Asian people. The reality is the historically black people have been pathologized and you have been conditioned to be more critical of statistics that criminalize Black folks. 

3) the manner you approached this situation is considered a microaggression. I would suggest you read the work of Dr. Derald Wing Sue. You essentially invalidated Black pain by ignoring a request to not engage by directly engaging and then suggested that the anger or pain was misplaced in suggesting that Black Lives Matter (i.e. Black folks) should really be mad at themselves for the circumstances that they live under

4) You committed an additional microaggression by assuming that my response to you would be to cuss you or call you names. I am unsure why you would assume that I, who doesn't know you, would directly curse you or treat you poorly. It appears that you entered this situation with a preconceived expectation of me... Relying on a history of prejudice, I can only assume you thought I would be an angry black woman. 

5) having Black friends doesn't not absolve you from the ability to have implicit bias or function within a system of racism. These things are not mutually exclusive. This is yet another form of microaggression 

I hope that you are truly as interested in changing the world as you suggest that you are. If you would truly like to be an ally in this struggle or anyone else's, please reflect on what I have said here and look into the resources that I have suggested. 

Recognize that for me to write this response to you, I have had to try really hard to put my pain and anxiety to the side to provide education for you. Recognize that this has cost me something. 

Be blessed
LikeReply31July 6 at 10:44pmEdited
Nzingha Dugas Monica Johnson I was writing something similar in my head, as I was triggered by her question and all the forthcoming responses--another form of re-traumatizing Black folks after a tragedy. And yet you outlined it with historical and environmental perfection. 🙏🏽
LikeReply5July 6 at 11:12pm

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